It’s never a clear story. It’s
inevitably hazy – either at the very beginning, or somewhere in between or
right at the end. Sometimes, it’s hazy more than once. Certainly, through all
this, all you are left doing is seeking for an explanation.
For every story that makes
up your life, you are the writer, the director, the actor and the real viewer.
It only becomes hazy when you shift roles within your life. When you are a
writer, you have the entire story line ahead of you. You want to write it just
right, setting it into the boundaries of principles, values, virtues and righteousness.
When you are the director,
you want to express your life just right to everyone who’s watching you. You
pass through the crowded lanes where people tend to judge you for your actions
on one end, but also claim to love you seamlessly on the other. Through these
lanes, you want to take yourself through your story without hitting the wrong
chords in anyone’s minds. So, you laugh with others, cry for them, sing to them and
dance to their tunes at times. You really only want to tell everyone your story just your way.
When you are the actor, you
want to live up to who you are supposed to be. Within this role, you have role
play lined up. You set yourself to be different to live up to being who you
should be at different points in life to different sets of people under
different circumstances. You ought to be a good son to your parents, a good
brother to your sister, a good friend to your friend and a good human being to
the world.
The hazy bits strike you
straight in the eye when you are the viewer of your own story. You sit now to
see what you have created. It ideally should all add up to one beautiful story
you were dying to see. It doesn’t.
Sequences aren’t set right.
You expect to see something when an entirely different scene comes up. You are
ready with the right set of emotions to relate to with the actors in your
story, including yourself on screen, but in a second, your emotions have taken
a hard hit. You have gone to feeling lost, uncertain, scared and deep inside, angry
because you no more control your life. Beyond that, you don’t know now who has
taken control of it.
The story has become dark.
The end seems certain but you do not know what it will be. You hate this
feeling. You want to go back and rewrite the story. You want to start right at
the beginning. You want to set things straight. You wanted a story that will be
deep, moving and yet surreal. You now see one that is slow, unpredictable and
filled with some ugly bits of reality. You sit helpless, still watching.
We live in our world of
righteousness and boundaries. When we see ourselves going beyond, we feel
uncertain, restless and incomplete. We know what we are doing but we don’t know
what it will lead to. We want to be in a good place, in our hearts, in others’
hearts. Sometimes, we don’t. Many times, we do. And then, life gives us a new
set of hearts to satisfy.
We want to be everything to
everyone. We feel that is what ‘being good’ means. We want to ‘be good’ to
everyone who’s in our life. We don’t want to be judged. We want to be left to
being who we are when we actually manoeuvre ourselves to be what others want us
to be. Irony.
There’s just one thing we
should perhaps be doing to our lives.
Let the story be.
Be sure of just one thing
about the story.
Good or bad, every story will have an end.
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