Moonlit Sunshine

It was at the end of a long exhausting meeting with the client on my last audit assignment when she triggered a conversation about family. She is a mother of two and had married a guy she fell in love with years ago, who had been working in the same organization. She happened to ask me what my 'status' was then and I gladly said 'I'm happily single.' She threw in a few words of advice to me on finding the right life partner, among which 'looks can be deceptive' and 'it is the most important decision of your life' were two rather obvious yet strong points to take home.

I'm on the other side now and it feels like it's come together pretty well. In hindsight, I feel like I've done everything right to come to this day. But, there's so much more that has underplayed to make this a happy beginning for my life - to be with the one who is so perfectly meant for me. It's a combination of events and emotions with a strong support system of people that have led me to find the one to fall in love and end up with.

Having said that, while I was in the process, it was nothing less than confusing, frustrating, self-doubt-inducing and scary, all at once. What was most important at the time and even now, was what mattered to me the most and if I saw that in front of me, despite all the noise and distraction that came in the way. And yet, it took a really long time to be comfortable with the thoughts of committing to a relationship for life.

A close friend of mine, who I can easily say, was most instrumental in my journey of finding the one, often tells me "The best way to judge if something - be it a career leap or a person - is worth it is if the good that comes from it outweighs the bad". With time, it becomes clear to the mind and heart at once and the moment it does, your instinct, as they call it, takes the right decision for you. On the other hand, when it isn't clear, all you are forced to do is give it more time.

I guess there is no formula to get anywhere on this journey but I'd break it down into 3 things - the first and most important one being Compatibility, followed by Closeness and then a slightly different and significant third, Comfort.

Compatibility is the buzzword for our generation like my mother says. It translates into a strong like-mindedness in thoughts, personalities, values, decisions and to some extent, interests. With every dialogue, all of these slowly becomes clearer, without any of it having to be a series of question-answer sessions with each other. Closeness really just means you've started to value this person as someone you can start opening up to and can think of sharing everything with, without having to think if he or she is worthy of sharing yourself with. Comfort comes in automatically once you genuinely enjoy each other's company, laugh a lot, be silly. It's when you've crossed and gone way ahead of the initial awkwardness, regular jabber, normal dinners etc (you'd be ok to wear your worst pyjamas and be your most silly self in front of him/her).

Once all this is done, you naturally end up loving unconditionally, building the trust and belief that this is going to be entirely controlled by us and how we both choose to make it out to be, not worrying even remotely, about a future together.. Never really thought of these through it all, but when I look back, it seems like these are the most crucial bits for the two people, among all the other things.

And then, there are some popular words about love that are so relevant here -

"Don't settle for a relationship that doesn't let you be yourself."

"The best love is the kind that awakens the soul, that makes us reach for more, that plants the fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds."